Sunset over Cabo Frio (the Cold Cape), Brazil

Sunset over Cabo Frio (the Cold Cape), Brazil
where the warm north Altantic meets the cold south Atlantic. picture (c) phil marks 2009

Sunday, 30 October 2011

What A Woman Must Have In Her Online Dating Profile - Part 4

This fourth article is about getting the key aspects of your online dating profile right, especially describing what's vital in your life. Then, any guy who reads your profile will understand those areas in which you will not compromise, because vital means just that.


What about children - do you want them, maybe you are already a parent? There are probably drop-down boxes in the site's profile set-up screen for this, but you may want to say more. For example the man will have to enjoy taking a parental role (and you may have his children round for sleepovers). You could phrase it like this: "until they leave home my children will be central in my life and ideally I want to meet a guy who is closely involved with children of his own, understands and enjoys the challenges of parenthood'.

Your Friends and Social Activities

Are you a homelover, or are you out meeting people and socialising most nights? Are your girlfriends round every night? Again, finding someone compatible with that lifestyle is important; after all, how would you feel if your man was out at a bar or football game on several nights a week? Maybe it would suit you, maybe not - some couples have entirely separate social lives - but would it suit you (or him)?


Perhaps you are involved in town politics or an action group - these tend to be driven from deep within the person - then it will be important that you highlight that aspect of yourself. If you are at meetings a couple of nights a week then you need to make that clear in your profile.

Whilst we are on the topic of politics, remember that many couples of different politics can co-exist quite happily, and there are some people who have to be with a partner having a similar political outlook and set of values. If you are one of those people to whom politics is an essential part of life, then you need to say so clearly.


Some people just do not want to live in a house with pets (especially cats or dogs) and there can be good reasons for this - for example, allergies. So, if keeping your pet is not negotiable then you need to say so in your profile.

Career and Relocation

You may have a very demanding job or career, but how will it be if the new man in your life is in the Navy (say) and away for 8 months of the year? This is certainly an area to explore very early on. Certainly, if you are in such a career yourself then you do need to make that clear in your online profile.

If someone works elsewhere in the country, would you be prepared to move - maybe the kids are in school and you don't want to move? Most dating agencies ask about geographical range so that they can match people appropriately, but there are few people who really want to enter into a relationship with somebody who lives on another continent!


The principle behind disclosing the 'vitals' in your life is that you don't want to meet and fall for someone and then find that there is a major problem caused by one of the above (or other 'vitals'). This approach will help you filter out the unsuitable guys in advance.

(c) 2010 Phil Marks

Are you looking for an agency aimed at people wanting to meet verified mature people, and with a seriously large number of members? More members = more choice which means you can be very specific! You can sign up for free at ==>  . Over 20 years combined mature online dating experience from Phil and his friends, male and female.

Friday, 30 September 2011

What A Woman Must Have In Her Online Dating Profile - Part 3

This is the third article explaining how a lady can write the most effective online dating profile. The benefit of a finely tuned profile is that it clearly describes the lady, without any hidden messages; it also succinctly describes the type of guy who is ideal for her. This means that all the men who would be of no interest to her are immediately elimninated. This saves time and money on pointless emailing and dates, not to mention the emotional toll it can take. As an investment in the future, time spent on developing the right profile is time well spent.

Find Our Who You Really Are

List the qualities and interests that you have and that you want your new man to appreciate. Talk to a close friend and get her(/him) to help you with this, as people don't always see the qualities they have that close friends see and appreciate.

If you are athletic, then you probably need someone with an interest in sport (that is playing sport, not sitting in a bar with a beer watching football). If you are an art lover, then a guy who thinks Salvador Dali is a country in Africa would be probably be a bad bet. I say probably, because many people seek new things from a new relationship. A dear lady friend of mine (who was very much a country girl), became involved with a guy who wanted to learn about hunting/shooting/fishing. Then, when he had his introductions to that country life, then he decided to move on to someone else.

Ticking the Boxes

Many dating sites will have drop-down lists of Interests, Personal Qualities and so on. Use the list that you prepared earlier as a guide. It is important not to give the wrong impression, as that can lead to disappointment all round.

Think about what you might expect from a man's profile. Do you want him to be truthful? Do you expect to be misled? Most people will 'varnish the truth' slightly to give a more favourable impression.

For example - if you know nothing about horses, but really want to learn, then it is fair enough to put Horses as an interest (because this may be a search term a man may use to find suitable profiles), BUT in your 'bio' section (the free-from section where you describe yourself) you must say something like 'I have had an interest in horses since I was young but never had the chance to get involved with them, so I am really seeking a guy who is closely involved with horses (probably owns one) and who will teach me to ride and share his passion'.

Smoking and Drinking

Other important boxes cover smoking and drinking. In my experience it is not unusual for occasional smokers to say that they are non-smokers. There is no point in this deception, as it soon becomes obvious. Then, the man thinks 'What else in the profile is not true? Can I believe this woman?'

So, think carefully about what you write, and you will then be more likely to be spending your time meeting guys who are most suitable for you. In other words, 'Do unto others as you would have them do unto you'!

(c) 2010 Phil Marks

Over 20 years combined mature online dating experience from Phil and his friends both male and female, with interesting stories and tales right now at => Phil's dating blog . For more in-depth information about online dating, including personal security and how to handle the first date, then go now to =>

Tuesday, 30 August 2011

What A Woman Must Have In Her Online Dating Profile - Part 2

This is the second post in a four part series of articles about a lady's online dating profile. Remember that there may be hidden messages in what you write, and you may not always be aware of them. So...

A concise and appropriate online dating profile is essential for a woman if you are to avoid giving out inappropriate messages and wasting time on hopeless dates and emails with unsuitable men. This is the second in a series of articles about getting the profile right, and discusses how to develop a description of her ideal man.

The first thing, obviously, is to be realistic, and not set your sights too high.

Talk to your Close Friends

Discuss it with your close friends and seek their view - they may provide you with surprising ideas about the type of man they think is right for you. This can be very useful, especially if they knew your previous partner (if any).

What Type of Person are you Really Looking For?

Think about the type of person you are looking for and find eight or ten key words or phrases which describe that person. These phrases should be both positive and negative. For example, steady, loyal, loving, money not important though it helps, must have his own hair, cuddly, like dancing and pets, no gamblers or heavy drinkers.

Use your past relationship(s) as a guide - what was good and what was bad - this is where talking to a friend or friends can help as they may see aspects that you are not aware of.

Although most sites will have sections which cover smoking, drinking, interests, music, food and so on, if any of these are particularly important to you, then your list should include them to emphasise the point.

For example, you may like to dance, but there is a difference between 'ticking the Dancing Box' under Interests, and the fact that you go to Line Dancing 3 nights a week. If Dancing is that important to you then you need to bring it out, and suggest that the man you seek will be a Line Dancing fanatic. On the other hand of course, you may be doing 3 nights a week of line dancing to fill in your evenings until a man comes along. So, be clear about what you want and make it clear in your description of the man you seek. Avoid the Same Mistake Again

If you have been in a difficult relationship in the past, do remember that there is a tendency for many women to be attracted to features they recognise. If these features were not healthy for you or your relationship then make it clear in your profile that these features are unattractive (for example, heavy gambling or drinking). Obviously, saying that you are not seeking someone violent is not easy to put into words, but there are ways of doing it, such as:

'I have been in a physically(/verbally) abusive relationship in the past, and what I am looking for now is a tender and affectionate man who treats ladies as ladies and knows how to demonstrate love'.

This will not filter out all abusive men, but will narrow down the field considerably.

So, be aware of this risk and make sure you eliminate such people at this early stage.

In summary then, be clear in your mind what's important to you in the man you seek, and say so clearly in your online dating profile.

(c) 2010 Phil Marks

Get some solid gold advice about online dating - read about the lessons learned by Phil and his friends with over 30 years online dating experience between them ==>

Thursday, 6 January 2011

Facebook Fallout Problems

Whether you are new to online dating, or an ‘old hand’, even in a fresh and deepening relationship, then this article could be useful to you. What happens when you and your date both have Facebook pages, and your relationship is in that exciting phase when you just cannot stop phoning, texting and emailing each other? Or, maybe you are settled in to a stable relationship, maybe you’ve even started living together, and you both have Facebook pages of your own. Have you thought about the potential problems this could cause? Do you need two Facebook profiles – one for your regular friends and one for online dating? Maybe you need an online dating guide?

Profile Privacy

Having a profile on Facebook can lead to a multitude of problems, not least being identity theft, which is the reason why I kept away from the application for a few years. Yes, there are privacy settings, but they don’t always function as they should, and recently the management at the company changed the default settings on a whim. This led to a big outcry in the media. And Yes again, they did change them back. But it just makes you nervous about having your whole life in a worldwide database, doesn’t it? These days there is even software which can analyse your profile and your Facebook friends and figure out a whole lot about what makes you tick, even your sexual preferences.

Until recently, I had no page on Facebook. My girlfriend has had one for years, and she is a nut about her online identity privacy. She uses it mainly to keep in touch with her family.

So, I thought it would be a good idea for me too, as I’m not really good at keeping in touch with family, and I know my daughters are really active. Fine. So…

What bearing has this on online dating?

Well, I started to set up an online profile in Facebook, and after a few pages it asked me to find some friends online. You’ve probably done it already. Guess who I looked for? Yes, my girlfriend. Could I find her? No. Did I find her? Yes. I simply looked for one of her daughters and found her as a friend of her daughter. I then sent a request to my girlfriend to be my Facebook friend.

After a couple of days I had received no reply. This started me thinking. Is she ignoring me? Did she get my request? Several other family members (including my daughters, I’m glad to say) had accepted and become friends. Or was there another reason, something more insidious? So, I asked her if she was not responding. She said that she hadn’t received my request. Fair enough, I believed that she hadn’t received my request. She was surprised that I had been able to find her at all given her Facebook profile settings (that’s off the point of this article, though I did touch on it earlier).

This whole episode got me thinking. Maybe she had a whole list of people – exes maybe, who she did not want me to see as her friends. Anyway, it was not an issue for me, but I also disappointed myself, that I should doubt her.

In Summary

This whole online profile issue can raise doubts and questions when it comes to online dating, especially when you are just meeting with someone you like. You exchange real email addresses first, then phone numbers, then maybe, just maybe, your Facebook pages.

There are couple of solutions. One is to have a bland profile with few friends, plus your real everyday profile. The other solution is to keep your profile clear of your dates and exes. Of course, if you are dating multiple people at the same time, or even using Facebook dating features, then you will have to be a lot more careful if you want to avoid lots of questions or doubts about trust.

Get some solid gold advice about online dating - read about the lessons learned by Phil and his friends with over 30 years online dating experience between them ==>

Monday, 27 September 2010

The Online Dating Profile

Earlier in the year I wrote an article about Online Dating Profiles and what women must have in them. Following fantastic response, I'm expanding on the article. This is the first part of the series:

Part 1 – What a Woman Must Have in an Online Dating Profile

These online dating tips are about getting the main aspects of an online dating profile right. This is the first of a series of five articles, each concentrating on a specific aspect of a lady’s online dating profile.

Why bother, you say?

The benefit is that you clearly describe who you are and the type of guy you are looking for. Thereby you immediately cut out all the people who would be of no interest to you (and you to them, even before you start writing your profile summary paragraph). This reduces hassle and emotional toll. You are investing in your future, so it pays to devote time and effort to the task.

The first tip is about your ‘handle’, more usually known as your User ID.

Maybe you have already joined an online agency. Did you choose a memorable and intriguing ‘handle’ yourself?

Think About These Handles

Put yourself in a guy’s position – he does a search and sees a list of potential matches like this:


Which handles catch his eye? Which ones will he click on first? Which ones grab you? Which ones give a positive feel and which ones seem negative?

Obviously, if your style is not that of a Mustang, or humour and double entendres such as with Maggie_May69 do not suit your personality then avoid such terms (or be prepared to deal with the inevitable silly enquiries you will get). However, you can always find something that very simply generates the extra clicks on your profile. More clicks mean more chances to find the right person.

It is quite reasonable to assume that SaraSculptress would really like to meet someone ‘arty’, ideally interested in sculpture.

‘Mustang_Sally’ tells me that she is someone who is a bit headstrong and challenging, but recognises it.

BlondeNoBimbo suggests an attractive lady who wants to be recognised for her intelligence and not her looks. Of course, if you are a ‘stunning looker’ with the intelligence of a professor, then you may want to communicate that another way, such as ‘BookishBlonde’ or just avoid any reference to your hair colour or looks. But then, it pays to advertise!

Now, let us think about negative aspects. How do you think June_so_Lonely comes across? There are two aspects to this.

Firstly, it carries a sense of vulnerability about it. This may not be a good thing to put across, as not all men are honorable. Secondly, it conveys someone who is seeing her glass to be half empty. Some men may like that, some may not, but generally a positive attitude works best.

And lastly, what does ScarlettOHara’s handle say – is she literary or a film buff or does it say something about her character. Some doubt can be intriguing…

So, in summary, think about your handle. And of course, many sites offer free trial memberships, so you could join a couple of agencies and try a couple of different handles.

Remember, your handle is your first headline!

(c) 2010 Phil Marks

ONLINE DATING GUIDE Looking for Great People

Monday, 7 June 2010

Space - the Final Frontier?

Following a recent contretemps (now sorted), I've written a short piece about space issues in new relationships. Older, wiser? Read about it at .

Looking for Great People

Tuesday, 6 April 2010

A Strange Twist in a Small World....

A funny thing happened....

You may have read one of my earlier posts (here) about the ice cream date which ended in the pub. Well, two other ladyfriends have contacted me and told me that they have heard the same story. It turns out that the story is not true, and not only that, the guy in question is a major cheat, very much married. Ain't that sad? I wonder how many other lasses have been fed the same line by the same cheat?

'tis a funny old world, and small too......