This fourth article is about getting the key aspects of your online dating profile right, especially describing what's vital in your life. Then, any guy who reads your profile will understand those areas in which you will not compromise, because vital means just that.
Children
What about children - do you want them, maybe you are already a parent? There are probably drop-down boxes in the site's profile set-up screen for this, but you may want to say more. For example the man will have to enjoy taking a parental role (and you may have his children round for sleepovers). You could phrase it like this: "until they leave home my children will be central in my life and ideally I want to meet a guy who is closely involved with children of his own, understands and enjoys the challenges of parenthood'.
Your Friends and Social Activities
Are you a homelover, or are you out meeting people and socialising most nights? Are your girlfriends round every night? Again, finding someone compatible with that lifestyle is important; after all, how would you feel if your man was out at a bar or football game on several nights a week? Maybe it would suit you, maybe not - some couples have entirely separate social lives - but would it suit you (or him)?
Politics
Perhaps you are involved in town politics or an action group - these tend to be driven from deep within the person - then it will be important that you highlight that aspect of yourself. If you are at meetings a couple of nights a week then you need to make that clear in your profile.
Whilst we are on the topic of politics, remember that many couples of different politics can co-exist quite happily, and there are some people who have to be with a partner having a similar political outlook and set of values. If you are one of those people to whom politics is an essential part of life, then you need to say so clearly.
Pets
Some people just do not want to live in a house with pets (especially cats or dogs) and there can be good reasons for this - for example, allergies. So, if keeping your pet is not negotiable then you need to say so in your profile.
Career and Relocation
You may have a very demanding job or career, but how will it be if the new man in your life is in the Navy (say) and away for 8 months of the year? This is certainly an area to explore very early on. Certainly, if you are in such a career yourself then you do need to make that clear in your online profile.
If someone works elsewhere in the country, would you be prepared to move - maybe the kids are in school and you don't want to move? Most dating agencies ask about geographical range so that they can match people appropriately, but there are few people who really want to enter into a relationship with somebody who lives on another continent!
Finally
The principle behind disclosing the 'vitals' in your life is that you don't want to meet and fall for someone and then find that there is a major problem caused by one of the above (or other 'vitals'). This approach will help you filter out the unsuitable guys in advance.
(c) 2010 Phil Marks
Are you looking for an agency aimed at people wanting to meet verified mature people, and with a seriously large number of members? More members = more choice which means you can be very specific! You can sign up for free at ==> www.mymatchmature.com . Over 20 years combined mature online dating experience from Phil and his friends, male and female.
Showing posts with label online dating profile. Show all posts
Showing posts with label online dating profile. Show all posts
Sunday, 30 October 2011
Friday, 30 September 2011
What A Woman Must Have In Her Online Dating Profile - Part 3
This is the third article explaining how a lady can write the most effective online dating profile. The benefit of a finely tuned profile is that it clearly describes the lady, without any hidden messages; it also succinctly describes the type of guy who is ideal for her. This means that all the men who would be of no interest to her are immediately elimninated. This saves time and money on pointless emailing and dates, not to mention the emotional toll it can take. As an investment in the future, time spent on developing the right profile is time well spent.
Find Our Who You Really Are
List the qualities and interests that you have and that you want your new man to appreciate. Talk to a close friend and get her(/him) to help you with this, as people don't always see the qualities they have that close friends see and appreciate.
If you are athletic, then you probably need someone with an interest in sport (that is playing sport, not sitting in a bar with a beer watching football). If you are an art lover, then a guy who thinks Salvador Dali is a country in Africa would be probably be a bad bet. I say probably, because many people seek new things from a new relationship. A dear lady friend of mine (who was very much a country girl), became involved with a guy who wanted to learn about hunting/shooting/fishing. Then, when he had his introductions to that country life, then he decided to move on to someone else.
Ticking the Boxes
Many dating sites will have drop-down lists of Interests, Personal Qualities and so on. Use the list that you prepared earlier as a guide. It is important not to give the wrong impression, as that can lead to disappointment all round.
Think about what you might expect from a man's profile. Do you want him to be truthful? Do you expect to be misled? Most people will 'varnish the truth' slightly to give a more favourable impression.
For example - if you know nothing about horses, but really want to learn, then it is fair enough to put Horses as an interest (because this may be a search term a man may use to find suitable profiles), BUT in your 'bio' section (the free-from section where you describe yourself) you must say something like 'I have had an interest in horses since I was young but never had the chance to get involved with them, so I am really seeking a guy who is closely involved with horses (probably owns one) and who will teach me to ride and share his passion'.
Smoking and Drinking
Other important boxes cover smoking and drinking. In my experience it is not unusual for occasional smokers to say that they are non-smokers. There is no point in this deception, as it soon becomes obvious. Then, the man thinks 'What else in the profile is not true? Can I believe this woman?'
So, think carefully about what you write, and you will then be more likely to be spending your time meeting guys who are most suitable for you. In other words, 'Do unto others as you would have them do unto you'!
(c) 2010 Phil Marks
Over 20 years combined mature online dating experience from Phil and his friends both male and female, with interesting stories and tales right now at => Phil's dating blog . For more in-depth information about online dating, including personal security and how to handle the first date, then go now to => eZeeFriends.com
Find Our Who You Really Are
List the qualities and interests that you have and that you want your new man to appreciate. Talk to a close friend and get her(/him) to help you with this, as people don't always see the qualities they have that close friends see and appreciate.
If you are athletic, then you probably need someone with an interest in sport (that is playing sport, not sitting in a bar with a beer watching football). If you are an art lover, then a guy who thinks Salvador Dali is a country in Africa would be probably be a bad bet. I say probably, because many people seek new things from a new relationship. A dear lady friend of mine (who was very much a country girl), became involved with a guy who wanted to learn about hunting/shooting/fishing. Then, when he had his introductions to that country life, then he decided to move on to someone else.
Ticking the Boxes
Many dating sites will have drop-down lists of Interests, Personal Qualities and so on. Use the list that you prepared earlier as a guide. It is important not to give the wrong impression, as that can lead to disappointment all round.
Think about what you might expect from a man's profile. Do you want him to be truthful? Do you expect to be misled? Most people will 'varnish the truth' slightly to give a more favourable impression.
For example - if you know nothing about horses, but really want to learn, then it is fair enough to put Horses as an interest (because this may be a search term a man may use to find suitable profiles), BUT in your 'bio' section (the free-from section where you describe yourself) you must say something like 'I have had an interest in horses since I was young but never had the chance to get involved with them, so I am really seeking a guy who is closely involved with horses (probably owns one) and who will teach me to ride and share his passion'.
Smoking and Drinking
Other important boxes cover smoking and drinking. In my experience it is not unusual for occasional smokers to say that they are non-smokers. There is no point in this deception, as it soon becomes obvious. Then, the man thinks 'What else in the profile is not true? Can I believe this woman?'
So, think carefully about what you write, and you will then be more likely to be spending your time meeting guys who are most suitable for you. In other words, 'Do unto others as you would have them do unto you'!
(c) 2010 Phil Marks
Over 20 years combined mature online dating experience from Phil and his friends both male and female, with interesting stories and tales right now at => Phil's dating blog . For more in-depth information about online dating, including personal security and how to handle the first date, then go now to => eZeeFriends.com
Monday, 15 February 2010
5 Tips for Spotting Online Dating Cheats
There is no question that with the availability of online dating, the amount of dating has increased way beyond what was usual in earlier days. Distances are shortened and the sheer range of potential partners is there before your eyes. So, people meet more potential partners before settling.
Now, as in most things, there are people around who are less than honest and can be seen to be dating cheats. By ‘cheats’ I mean people who describe a false history about themselves, claim to be single when they are not, and so on. They have rehearsed their stories well and, like many cheats, can be very credible.
I have some great friends who I have met through online dating and their experiences, together with my own, have enabled me to put together these tips. Patterns emerge, and cheating individuals may become known in the dating community. The very best cheats though are very credible and can bluff the best of us. I have friends who have been ‘conned’ for many months by serial cheats.
OK, so what about the tips for spotting these characters?
None of these hold true in all cases, and of course you cannot easily tell if a genuinely single person is not interested in a long term relationship unless they say so (and assuming that is what you also want).
Tip #1 – Telephone Talk – Phone Numbers
You have gone past the initial exchange of emails and arrange to start talking on the phone. From a male perspective, a genuine guy would usually offer his phone number, recognising that a lady may not want to disclose hers at an early stage on security grounds. If the arrangement is always that the other person calls you, then that is a potential signal.
If the other person says that they can only be called on their mobile phone or that they don’t have a landline phone number then that could be another signal. In today’s age, there are people who genuinely do not have landline phone numbers, relying on mobile phones and Skype. So, you should be able to Skype them at home in the evening (though of course you cannot be absolutely sure that they are at home).
Tip #2 – Telephone Talk – Timing
Most working people cannot take personal calls at work, and that is fine. However, if you find that the other person is saying things like:
Tip #3 – Where do we Meet?
Most often, the first one or two dates are on neutral territory. After that, people will start travelling to each other’s areas or towns. If though, there is reluctance on the part of the other person to meet you on their territory, then this could be a signal that not all is as stated in their online dating profile.
Have they given you their home address? You can test this by saying ‘I’d like to see where you live’.
These are 3 great tips – don’t ignore them if you want to avoid disappointment! There are another 2 great tips in the Online Dating Guide.
In Conclusion
None of these tips are, on their own, absolute identifiers of less than honest people, and the best liars will always keep as close to the truth as possible. Watch for patterns though.
Of course, at the end of it all, there are people who are intensely protective of their privacy (and may themselves be very cautious). However, if you are detecting a few of the signals I have listed, then you would be right to be suspicious.
There is the always chance that the other genuine person, protecting their privacy, would consider some of your ‘test questions’ to be intrusive or prying. However, you can always plead ‘I’ve been hurt before and do not want to be hurt again’. Most people would understand this.
In spite of all this, most people are genuine, so enjoy your dating!
The Online Dating Guide is unique, containing 4 bonus chapters and much distilled experience from years of online dating by Phil and his friends.
© 2010 Phil Marks
Now, as in most things, there are people around who are less than honest and can be seen to be dating cheats. By ‘cheats’ I mean people who describe a false history about themselves, claim to be single when they are not, and so on. They have rehearsed their stories well and, like many cheats, can be very credible.
I have some great friends who I have met through online dating and their experiences, together with my own, have enabled me to put together these tips. Patterns emerge, and cheating individuals may become known in the dating community. The very best cheats though are very credible and can bluff the best of us. I have friends who have been ‘conned’ for many months by serial cheats.
OK, so what about the tips for spotting these characters?
None of these hold true in all cases, and of course you cannot easily tell if a genuinely single person is not interested in a long term relationship unless they say so (and assuming that is what you also want).
Tip #1 – Telephone Talk – Phone Numbers
You have gone past the initial exchange of emails and arrange to start talking on the phone. From a male perspective, a genuine guy would usually offer his phone number, recognising that a lady may not want to disclose hers at an early stage on security grounds. If the arrangement is always that the other person calls you, then that is a potential signal.
If the other person says that they can only be called on their mobile phone or that they don’t have a landline phone number then that could be another signal. In today’s age, there are people who genuinely do not have landline phone numbers, relying on mobile phones and Skype. So, you should be able to Skype them at home in the evening (though of course you cannot be absolutely sure that they are at home).
Tip #2 – Telephone Talk – Timing
Most working people cannot take personal calls at work, and that is fine. However, if you find that the other person is saying things like:
- Only call me on Tuesdays and Thursdays… or
- I can’t do evenings because mobile reception is bad at home (and don’t have a landline)…
- I’ll call you on Wednesday at 7pm…
Tip #3 – Where do we Meet?
Most often, the first one or two dates are on neutral territory. After that, people will start travelling to each other’s areas or towns. If though, there is reluctance on the part of the other person to meet you on their territory, then this could be a signal that not all is as stated in their online dating profile.
Have they given you their home address? You can test this by saying ‘I’d like to see where you live’.
These are 3 great tips – don’t ignore them if you want to avoid disappointment! There are another 2 great tips in the Online Dating Guide.
In Conclusion
None of these tips are, on their own, absolute identifiers of less than honest people, and the best liars will always keep as close to the truth as possible. Watch for patterns though.
Of course, at the end of it all, there are people who are intensely protective of their privacy (and may themselves be very cautious). However, if you are detecting a few of the signals I have listed, then you would be right to be suspicious.
There is the always chance that the other genuine person, protecting their privacy, would consider some of your ‘test questions’ to be intrusive or prying. However, you can always plead ‘I’ve been hurt before and do not want to be hurt again’. Most people would understand this.
In spite of all this, most people are genuine, so enjoy your dating!
The Online Dating Guide is unique, containing 4 bonus chapters and much distilled experience from years of online dating by Phil and his friends.
© 2010 Phil Marks
Sunday, 29 November 2009
Education
This can be important to some people. Generally in my view it’s good to be on the same intellectual level as your partner (I have learned the hard way). However, many men find really clever ladies to be intimidating. Some clever ladies know this and may have learned to cover it up.
Obviously, the level of education is no reflection of a person’s intellect, in the negative sense. Yes, OK, if they have a doctorate then it’s a sign of high intellect, though you can meet some very clever people who lack basic common sense! All brains and no common sense as they say. On the other hand, some very clever people have never progressed to a high educational level because of their life’s circumstances.
I did get to know, briefly, a lady who didn’t progress beyond high school, but ended up as an aerospace engineer and who is now writing a doctoral thesis.
So, if educational attainment is important to you, then don’t necessarily pass by the lady because of the tick in her educational box.
Lovesail havenplace blue-hound
Obviously, the level of education is no reflection of a person’s intellect, in the negative sense. Yes, OK, if they have a doctorate then it’s a sign of high intellect, though you can meet some very clever people who lack basic common sense! All brains and no common sense as they say. On the other hand, some very clever people have never progressed to a high educational level because of their life’s circumstances.
I did get to know, briefly, a lady who didn’t progress beyond high school, but ended up as an aerospace engineer and who is now writing a doctoral thesis.
So, if educational attainment is important to you, then don’t necessarily pass by the lady because of the tick in her educational box.
Lovesail havenplace blue-hound
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